Although I haven't posted anything that I've done creatively on this blog lately (as it was intended for), I've still been doing some freelance projects here and there, while working full-time "for the man".
Unfortunately, I had to "drop out" of my online courses because I didn't get them all completed by the time they were supposed to be done. So much for that. I did, however, manage to save all the lessons that I wasn't able to complete into PDFs so I still have access to them if I ever feel the desire to do some independent learning. Haha... not sure if that's "legal" but what the hell. I paid for them! But then again, who knows when I'll have the time. Having a baby wasn't what I expected (it was actually 100x harder thn what I thought it would be... who knew, right? haha), and I wasn't able to devote time to anything else other than my job that pays the bills and baby. I was selfish to myself for opting for relaxing (aka sleeping or just being lazy and watching TV or something), as opposed to learning in the little free time I have.
Between working as a graphic designer in a corporate situation where a lot of the time you feel like the work you produce isn't something you really put your heart into and deviating from participating in activities that would have helped me grow creatively... I've really lost my "mojo". I started this blog to HELP me get my creative juices flowing again. The last post where I actually posted something that I did was last October... and it was a cake!! haha Hey, I count that as something creative!
I now also have a lack of confidence with my work these days. Well, more so than I used to. I was asked to do a family photo shoot of a friend of mine (who is trading her personal trainer service for my service). After agreeing to it, I thought about it and became nervous and anxious. The only pics I've taken recently are of Liam! No recent practice other than point and shoot! I'm probably making a big deal of it in my head, but I'm afraid of letting them down and myself down if the photos I take aren't good enough.
I've been watching "Work of Art" on Bravo (I love that show! It reminds me of my college days!) and there's a guy on there, Abdi, who made it to the finals with this really awesome charcoal drawing he did of himself. It was a very striking self-portrait where he was peacefully laying down. He described it as a rebirth of himself as an artist (his previous works were all cartoony paintings). The challenges before this one, he was on the bottom and didn't feel like he had any connection to his work being produced.
I can very much relate to that... and I want to find my inspiration to move on and try different things and grow as an artist. I've disconnected myself from my creative roots. I can blame major life changes, work stress, whatever... but really, I shouldn't place blame on any of that. I should accept everything that life throws at me and express it somehow. I don't know what's holding me back.
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